Although as personal as this may be, I feel there is no better way to honor my Dad than to share with everyone a small glimpse of the love and support I got from him.  This small e-mail was from my freshmen year of college as I struggled with the transition from competing in high school to college.  Although all about running, I feel it can be related to every aspect of my life.  As I find myself in a slump right now, this e-mail gives me hope.  Maybe it will give you a few words of inspiration too......

Hey Girl,

   What did the Doc say?  I've been thinking about some of the things we talked about last night and would like to add some thoughts.  You are one of the most driven individuals I have know.  That can be good and bad.  The pressure you place on yourself can be a heavy burden.  Step back and look at your situation.  You have been running CC threeeeee years now.  I think it is safe to say that is the least of anyone on your team.   You are still learning how to run these races and how to practice.  It was a giant step up in competition for you.  I don't think you should lower you goals one inch, but you have to be patient.  You

will have ups and downs and you need to be mentally prepared for those. If you don't get to go to PA talk to Coach Fox and ask him what do you need to do to achieve your goals.  Look at it as a challenge and overcome it.  You know you can do it.  Try to find a positive aspect in any bad situation.  Let the negative things go and move on.  You will be fine Jess.  We know and  you know that you can achieve any goal  you set for yourself. 

Love,

Dad

There is not a a day that goes by that I don't miss my Dad.  But there isn't a day that goes by that I am not thankful for the relationship that we had. The pain of losing a loved one never goes away, but you also learn that life does not stop for you to grieve. In the end it is all a cycle of beginnings and ends.  I hope that as my journey through life continues, I can keep tucked inside my heart the love, the values, and the lessons my Dad taught me.  Until we meet again.......

Sometimes "growing old" depresses me.  Life moves so swift that in a blink of an eye, a chapter in my life is already closed.     Chapters close before I'm  ready.  Right when I have learned to appreciate where I am.  Sometimes they close for me at the height of it all, only to leave me to fall hard.    When I'm lucky, chapters also close at the perfect ending.

Chapters seem to close more quickly as the days go by too.  Each birthday I celebrate I always find myself saying how quickly the year went. And, each year seems to speed up.  It is a scary cycle. 

I think that what makes the cycle so hard as I get older is the fact that life speeds up not only for me, but everyone close to me.  My friends and the ones I care about scatter, our footprints are left behind where we formed our friendships and relationships, and we find ourselves suddenly caught up in life.   When I am lucky, the relationships stand the test of the physical distance, but sometimes unfortunately they get lost in the whirl wind.

I think about people who have touched my life on a daily basis.  Something will jog my memory of a child hood friend, neighbor,  coach, or mentor and it often makes me sad that I never took the time to let people know how I appreciate the impact they made on my life. 

 I think of this more often since my Dad passed away.  At his funeral, people came who he had not been in contact with for over twenty-five years.  These people drove from Kentucky, Florida, or wherever they were scattered.  I was so moved that my Dad touched them so much that they had come to pay their respects even after they had long lost touch.  It also made me sad that my Dad never got to see the impact that he made.   I realized that a funeral is a testament to the lives that we touch, but I wish it wasn't like that.  I wish my Dad had heard the stories of how he had made a difference in someone's life while he was alive.....  most were small and subtle acts of kindness, but they added up to a much larger picture.    And if you add each person's relationship they had with my Dad together, it tells the story of a wonderful man.  

So I don't want to live my life anymore not thanking those for all that they do... subtle or simple, big or large.  I want people to know how much they mean to me while I have the chance to tell them.  I want people to know that I appreciate their generosity, their friendship, and their help.  I want to make sure that I mend those that I hurt, and thank those who have blessed my life.  And, more importantly, I want to make sure that I never let go of those people and friendships I love even as our footprints scatter the Earth.

So this is my challenge to myself.  Every two weeks I want to write an e-mail, letter, etc. to someone who has touched my life.  As corny as it, I think everyone should know and will appreciate the time you take to tell them that they have made an impact.  I hope to reach out to those that I haven't heard from in years, and also to thank those who are in my life right now.   Maybe a broken or lost relationship will mend, and it sure to only strengthen those that I have now.  The thing is, chapters may come and go, they may close, but it is not nearly as scary when the ones you love are at least there to read it.

Mark and I have a date!  October 16, 2010  

The Invitation, by Oriah Mountain Dreamer 

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your hearts longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking a fool for love,

for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are square in your moon.

I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,

if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed down from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving, to hide it, fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.

I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true yourself;

if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your life on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the moon in God’s presence.

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know, or how you came here.

I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in empty moments.

  

I think that the key to discovering life and who you are is not just believing in something because it is what you are told.  The key to life is believing in something because of an experience.  I think it is a stronger conviction to believe in something because you worked through it, thought about it, talked about it, seeked it, examined it and the other side.  

If we went through life without discover things ourselves, we wouldn't live much of a life at all.  I believe that we would be content because we wouldn't know any different.  Sometimes content can be good.  We don't always need to be wanting material things, therefore we should sometimes be content with what we have.  But in this case to me, when it comes to believing, content is not always a positive.  Content to me is safe.  Possibly even a little boring.

I would rather have ups and downs, highs and lows, and a ride of emotions throughout my life than a flatline.   I would rather know the excitement, risks, and a little adventure than live in my bubble.  I would rather push myself physically, spiritually, and mentally with challenges than not challenge myself at all.  I would rather meet people who think and believe differently than me than constantly surround myself with people who are the same.  It is only with these challenges that I know I will grow.  

The thing is, I think it takes a stronger person sometimes to step outside of the mold.  To say that I believe this, not because of what I was told, but because of what my heart holds.  It takes a bigger person to surround yourself with people who are different from you and to till be able to find a common ground for respect and understanding.   It takes a strong person to go and seek things are their own.

It takes a strong person, to be willing to grow.....

I believe that when you do good, good things will come your way.  As I get older though, I see more and more dear friends and family go through heartache and struggles.  I see good people with big hearts become shattered.  And, the more I see this the more I ask myself why such heartache happens to such good people. Sometimes it is a hard idea to grasp.

  I think that most important thing as we go through life  is to to remember that good things don't always come in big packages.   We have to take the time, each day, to count the simple and small blessings in our life.  We also have to take the time to remind ourselves that we are never given anything that we cannot handle.  Perhaps that is why such good people are thrown such hard times, because they can handle them with such grace, poise, and even thankfulness.

That amazes me.

The bottom line is that life is too short to not count your blessings.  It is too short to cry "why me".  Is too short to say I WANT, because then you never have enough.  It is too short not to spend the time with the ones you love.  And, life is too short to not reach out to a stranger. 

 

I know there will be times when you won't feel blessed, but look around and the blessings of life are all around.  I know there will be times when you feel down, and thats okay.  You have to remember though that when you cry "why me" that everyone is fighting some kind of battle, inner struggle, or search for peach.  We can fall, but we can also learn to stand up off the ground.  There will be times when time seems swift, but always take the time for the ones in your heart. And, remember to reach out, to lend a helping hand, and at least once a week.....  try do some good.

“I believe… that every human mind feels pleasure in doing good to another."

“Nine requisites for contented living: Health enough to make work a pleasure. Wealth enough to support your needs. Strength to battle with difficulties and overcome them. Grace enough to confess your sins and forsake them. Patience enough to toil until some good is accomplished. Charity enough to see some good in your neighbor. Love enough to move you to be useful to others. Faith enough to make real the things of God. Hope enough to remove all anxious fears concerning the future.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goeth