I love my work.  But oh how I wish I had known how time consuming this real world thing really is.   I feel very fortunate to get up everyday going to job that I enjoy.  The only thing I don't like are the hours and the commute.  I only work eight hour days, which is wonderful, but the commute easily turns it into 12 hour days.  I think before we head off to college we should have to work a year before so we actually APPRECIATE the lifestyle of a college student.

If only I knew now, what I knew then.  * sigh *

Anyway, all of this working has me thinking of things that I wish I had time to pursue.  And, now leaves me wondering if I will ever have time to pursue them:

1.  Graphic Design Work-  I am trying to make our wedding invitations and I love it!!!  I wish I had more time to pursue my creative side.  It is a part of me that I would love to unleash, that is very neglected.

2.  Triathlons-  I won't to compete again so bad, and I know that it would be a great challenge both physically and mentally.  It will still incorporate my passion for running, but add a new twist.  Time and money (bike), seem to be holding me back.

3. Photography- I wish I had a nice little camera with me always to capture the small, intimate and wonderful moments in life.  Another way to allow me to be creative and look at the world a little differently, and often better.

4.  Giving Back-  I want to find time to give back so bad.  I think that everyone should take two days out of the month and give back to what they feel passionate about. Not monetary, but time.  People need to learn more compassion. Specifically,I would love to work in animal welfare.

5.  Writing.  Never enough time to write.  Makes me want to go back to grad school so I can write papers...  or take a creative writing class.....  I'm weird, I know.

If you had all the time in the world, what five things would you pursue?  I would love to know!

"Not one day in anyone’s life is an uneventful day, no day without profound meaning, no matter how dull and boring it might seem, no matter whether you are a seamstress or a queen, a shoeshine boy, or a movie star, a renowned philosopher or a Down’s-syndrome child. Because in every day of your life, there are opportunities to perform little kindnesses for others, both by conscious acts of will and unconscious example. Each smallest act of kindness—even just words of hope when they are needed, the remembrance of a birthday, a compliment that engenders a smile—reverberates across great distances and spans of time, affecting lives unknown to the one whose generous spirit was the source of this good echo, because kindness is passed on and grows each time it’s passed, until a simple courtesy becomes an act of selfless courage years later and far away. Likewise, each small meanness, each thoughtless expression of hatred, each envious and bitter act, regardless of how petty, can inspire others, and is therefore the seed that ultimately produces evil fruit, poisoning people whom you have never met and never will. All human lives are so profoundly and intricately entwined—those dead, those living, those generations yet to come—that the fate of all is the fate of each, and the hope of humanity rests in every heart and in every pair of hands. Therefore, after every failure, we are obliged to strive again for success, and when faced with the end of one thing, we must build something new and better in the ashes, just as from pain and grief, we must weave hope, for each of us is a thread critical to the strength—to the very survival of the human tapestry. Every hour in every life contains such often-unrecognized potential to affect the world that the great days and thrilling possibilities are combined always in this momentous day." 

— Dean Koontz (From the Corner of His Eye)

"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." 

— Roald Dahl

Lifelong bonds are rare indeed.  In the hustle & bustle of this fast paced life, having true friends and family who will always stick by your side is honestly life's greatest gifts.  I really believe that if you have five people by your side who would drop everything for you, well you are a lucky soul.

I learned later on in my college career what it truly means to have people stand by your side.  I spent a lot of my early years at Auburn figuring out who I was.  I had a few of those "what was I thinking moments", hurt people close to me and wasn't always proud of how I acted.  But, I eventually grew as a person.  A person that, for the most part, I am very happy with today.  ( Although I always have more growing to do )

But as I went through the growing pains, and as I went through my years at Auburn, there was a very simple pattern-  the people who I thought were closes to me slowly starting dropping like flies.  I found myself at my last year at Auburn with a much different social life than my first year- with a much different dynamic of friends- and a much smaller circle.  The social circle dwindled for many reasons, I know...  but the truth is, that in my years at Auburn I grew a lot- I changed a lot- and I experienced a lot. 

But, even though my large social group has dwindled down to a handful, I find my life much richer and fuller than it was when my calendar was full every weekend.  Slowly I began to realize that much of the people I had run around for the last several years only ran around me because there was excitement going on- a party to go to, a football game to attend, a social hour.  Those people that I surrounded myself with on the weekends didn't care about getting to know me- they just cared that there was something to do and something to see.  There was a motive to a friendship other than just the friendship itself.

The friends that are left standing by me, care.  They care to know about the happy times- and the good times- and the sad times- the low times.  They care, even though we have had our differences, and even when we don't see eye to eye.  I realized that life isn't always about the quantity, but more about the quality- and, I know I am very lucky.

  

It always stings for awhile when people walk out of your life- sometimes I still have trouble letting go of friendships that somehow have fallen through the cracks.  I even grieve about lost friendships.  There is something sad to me about losing touch- losing a connection to a person.    What I am learning though, is that even with the hustle and bustle we can all make sometime for the people we love.  The people in my life enrich my life by allowing me to be a part of theirs.  And, it feels good to know that not only do I have friends for a lifetime- but that I have the opportunity to be a support system to wonderful people throughout this life.    

I don't have to play a guessing game anymore on who I can count on- I feel blessed, to already know.  For that, I am forever thankful.

It is always fun to take a step back and see how far you have come in a week, in a month, in a year.  I think that reflection is important, because when we reflect, it is almost like we are studying our own history.  I don't believe in looking at the past with regret, miss opportunities, and "what ifs", but I do believe in looking at the past for the milestones, the lessons, and the small things that have gotten us where we are today.

I think it is good to know what has shaped you into the person that you are.  Most people don't take the time to get to know themselves- what makes them tick, what they are passionate about, what makes them sad, what makes them angry- people don't ever take the time to sit back and reflect in the hustle and bustle of life.  When we take time to get to know ourselves and love ourselves, we also learn how to love others.  That is something that has taking me awhile to learn and understand, but that is a whole different post entirely.  Either way- I think is it good to understand small parts of your history.  But, it is a fine line we walk between reflection and regret.  Once we start reflecting, we often start regretting.  As I have learned, regrets are like grudges- they only hold you back.  

I think that if we reflect on our past and slowly start to put the pieces to the puzzle together, we realize that there is a reason for all the madness in life.  The mistakes that we thought we made, really weren't mistakes at all. It is kind of like saying "for every season there is a reason."  Well, for every trial and tribulation we face, there is something to be learned that will help us grow as a person.  As corny as it sounds, sometimes you really just have to learn how to dance in the rain.

So here is to reflecting, but not to regretting.  Looking back, while moving forward.  And understanding that the past is an important part of our future as long as we use at a tool to understand ourselves.  

When you lose someone you love, the concept of time seems to change..  at least it has for me.  Before I went through such a tragic loss, time was simply not as valuable.  There was always another day to tell someone that I loved them.  Always another hello and another goodbye. Another day to chase a dream. Always another day to return a call.

But loss flipped my life upside down and forced me to reevaluate.  Loss and grief made me realize how unpredictable life is and how time can slip through our hands. It seems that we are always looking towards the future, when really all we have is now.  

It's hard to believe that it has been 21 months since I lost my Dad.   The longer that time goes by, the harder it seems to be.  You see, time only makes it more real.  Time has a way of making the one you love, that you lost, seem like such a distant memory.  

I have never tried to fix my grief or fix my emotions.  I think that the best thing I have done for myself is to allow my grief to find a resting place within my heart.  It serves as a reminder, a keeper of memories, and a tribute. 

Sometimes I feel that society thinks we should fix our grief and fix our emotions.  But, if you go around trying to fix or cover up what is truly a natural process, I believe you will have a harder time finding peace.  Grief is not about fixing something that is broken.  We are not broken because we grieve.  In fact, it seems to me that we are more broken if we don't grieve.  We grieve because we loved, because we miss, and must find peace.  

And by peace I don't mean that we forget about the ones that have left us physically.  By peace I mean the ability to move forward with this void in your life.  For me, peace has been understanding my grief, feeling my emotions, and knowing that this void won't be patched, mended, or replaced.  This understanding has allowed me to move forward, to honor my Dad, and left me thankful for the love that I have had.

Twenty one months doesn't mend the hole in my heart.  But, as I have learned, no amount of time ever will.  I just know that life is too short to not keep moving forward,  for myself and for my Dad.  Life is a cycle of beginnings and ends, and unfortunately, the cycle is the greatest gift in life and the hardest part in death.  If we wish to be find peace throughout life with all of its ups and downs, sadness, and tragedies we must learn not to try and always fix what is not broken.... but to adapt to change, embrace our emotions, and remember that there is no guarantee for tomorrow.

"There's only one thing more important... and that is, after you've done what you set out to do, to feel that it's been worth doing."   - James Hiltom

So I have been in DC for a month now and things are going pretty well.  Despite missing my family and friends from back home, I really love the city here.  I am living in Alexandria and couldn't be happier with the area. The picture I have up today is actually of Old Town Alexandria from the river.  I adore Old Town Alexandria for several reasons:

1.  It's quaint and it's charming.   There is something in me that is in love with all things old and vintage.  I think age shows a type of character that you can't find anywhere else.  Old Town is wonderful because it is where modern meets the old.  There are cobblestone sidewalks (there are even a few places where the original cobblestone streets are left), the row homes have gas lanterns, and everything is rich in history.   

2.  But, despite being an old treasure there are so many things that makes the town come alive- the shopping, the eateries, the social things-  is what you would find in a big city.  And, DC is literally only 8 miles away.  I could run there!

3. The best part, is that Old Town is completely dog friendly!  People are always out walking their dogs.  And, dogs are allowed in every single store in Old Town as long as they don't serve food.  One of the hotels even hosts a dog "yappy" hour every Tuesday & Thursday.  Perfect? I think so. If only my dog weren't so crazy and couldn't actually go.    But, anyone that loves dog is a good person in my book and this town sure knows how to show their pets some love.

4.  And finally, the river.  Old Town runs right along the river.  I'm not a beach person, but  for some reason port cities or rivers running through will when me over every time.  Plus, along the Potomac are some gorgeous places to run.  I can't believe how many people are active here (and run with their dogs). It helps me feel like I am at home!   I think I'm joining a runner club this month..  so that will be fun.

Aside from loving this area, work is going really well.  I feel so fortunate and blessed to have a job that I enjoy getting up for every morning, even if that means my alarm goes off at 5 AM.   I take the metro into work, read a book, play sudoko, and life is good.   I also find myself people watching a lot- which I am sure is considered rude.  But, what I love, is every now and then you see people who do good:  they offer their seat to the elderly, try to help someone that seems lost,etc.  I always try to make an effort to reach out to someone when they need it and it makes me feel good to see others do the small, subtle things...  that is what this life is about.

Anyway,  other than the long metro ride, work is wonderful.  If I have any advice for anyone, it is to follow your heart and your desires when it comes to work.  Work takes up too much of your time and day to not enjoy and love what you do.  Life is also too short to not be working for something that you believe- to not being doing work that makes you proud, or makes you feel good. I know that I am so lucky to have the opportunity to follow my dreams and the goals I have set for myself.  I couldn't do it without my family and friends.... so thank you.

Despite loving work, I am thankful that the weekend is here.   I'm looking forward to watching the Auburn game in Arlington with the alumni club here and possibly exploring DC some on Sunday.  And of course, running with Femmy.......

I will try to keep more tidbits going about work, life in DC, etc.  Have a wonderful weekend!